Last days life isn't nice for me - I lost one of my best friends in tragic way . She - My Sweetheart - decided to finish her life in age 27 . I loved she - she was my star - now I feel so alone on this world.
Why she did it ? - I really don't know - my pain is huge - so many questions but finally only what I can do is to accept her choice .
I know that it's strange but now during waiting for her funeral I have feeling that just wait for meeting with she . Maybe little strange is this that her aura now is all time around me - everything remaind me about her - ranging from porcelain cup to small braclets - she is all everywhere around .
Besides come into my head - how my life will be looking after my 27th birthday . She was not first known to me person which took his life in exactly this young age ( and some other people - little older / younger )
Why these people did this ? I'm so afraid that they did at maybe my brain can start see ,, death'' as - not so bad solution- I'm afraid that my mind can ,,go crazy'' like in examples of my friends .
One time I loosed my mind accidently - electroshock brought me back to life . So we can say that I was on other side . Sometimes I feel that fact that I'm again alive just make everything more complicated - now I'm sure that one day I must die again - maybe in bigger pain than last time - it's all about I'm also afraid of .
It' s so easy to die - some people proved me this and I'm so afraid to subconsciously follow their steps .
and for the end - Why people make sucide ?
- I think ( from my observation ) people are making sucide because they are afraid to be old .
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